Memories

My earliest memory is of an unbroken wave, on a sunny day. I'm not sure which beach, but most probably North Stein, in Sydney, as I was born in Manly and remained there until I was half past 3 - where all my first memories developed.

I can remember feeling sad, secluded, and left out. Most likely because I was looking at my Mother, Sister, and Brother all floating over that wave together, with a crowd of other beach goers. I think my Dad was sitting behind me, and that's why he isn't part of the moment.

The image that holds so steady in my mind is how my family, or the crowd of swimmers in general, looked as they floated over each unbroken wave. I can remember all their heads and some arms poking out of the water, but the rest of their bodies being suspended in mid air as it seemed to me.. But to my Dad would have seemed simply as people floating over waves.

It hypnotized me - each wave rolling past and all these people rising up then being lowered back down, out of sight until the next wave lifted them back in to view again. At the time these waves seemed huge, and although I felt left out I also felt scared of the waves but interested in the colossal phenomenon and wanted to take part. Although now I suppose the waves were probably only 2 ft high.

Funny that now I have had a lot of experience with waves and the ocean, but I once couldn't walk, and couldn't believe my eyes that water could lift a whole crowd of people at once.

There is a memory I have from earlier on, sitting on my Dad's back in a blue baby-carrier in the night time, leaving our house to go to the airport as we were going to Britain. I'm not sure if that memory’s real or not. I know it happened, but there are some photos from the time, so I may have just used the photos as references and included them in my mind as memories. Just like a photo that was taken on that trip to England, where I had my second birthday party and a chocolate cake came out with a toy train on top of it and little silver balls. I thought I could remember that, but then I realized it was only the photo of that moment that I remember. The only thing I remember from that trip to England was that I didn't like those silver things on the cake because they hurt my teeth.

So out of my two earliest confirmed memories that I know were mine, one I felt sad, secluded, and left out, and the other I felt upset and angry that a little silver ball that looked pretty let me down by hurting my teeth. I'm beginning to see a pattern.