The loosing of my virginity.

It's funny how much your mood affects what you write. If you don't finish writing something you can come back the next day, or even an hour later, and you start changing it around so much because your mood is different. I'm somewhere in an angst-punk mood where I feel like throwing bricks through chain-store windows right now, but I'm going to attempt writing about something that will take my mind off thinking too much about the perils I see in our world.

I don't know where to start, what am I thinking? I'm thinking about doing kickflips on a skateboard deck with no wheel on my old trampoline. Through year 8 and 9, or thereabouts, I used to tramp-board a fair bit. Whenever there was no surf I would be on the trampoline with a deck doing kickflips and front-flip-grabs and imagine actually being able to skate, which I was never very good at. My next door neighbour was a couple years younger than me, I think he was in his last year of primary school when I started tramp-boarding and he used to come talk to me from his backyard. My tramp was in our backyard almost against the fence we shared with his backyard so we could have a normal conversation as successfully that way as if he was in my yard. It was like the relationship in home-improvement where you only see the top of the other guys head.

Once I saw more than enough of my next door neighbour though. He was weeing in the garden right near the fence and I jumped on the frame of my tramp and popped my head over to ask how his day was. His face went bright red and his piss stopped before he could even swing around he was really that scared. I pissed myself laughing and fell onto the trampoline mat. One time I was laying on that mat with a girl I had known for years looking up at the stars, I remember she was a couple years younger than me and I was telling her how if we see a shooting star, that star shot like that many many years ago, and because it is so far away we are only getting to see it happen now, she was amazed, and I was glad to inform her. Her older sister, who was my age, was next to us, but not on the trampoline, she was in a tent that they were camping in for a week as they were old family friends that were staying for christmas and the new year. It was a green tent.

Later the three of us were in the tent and the younger was fast asleep and me and the eldest were making out. I don't know how that came about, but we were anyway and kind of laughing because her sister was right there. That night I got my first blow job. She kissed her way down in an awkward manor, and admitted she hadn't before, so I let her know it was ok and to just go for it and try it out, like it was this great new idea we had come up with together and maybe no one else had done it before. As she started sucking I can remember thinking that I couldn't feel much, but that was only because it was such a new sensation for me. It was, in reality, quite hypnotizing and I loved it. She stopped and we were both shy because we didn't know what to do next. We ended up on some deck chairs under the stars with her on my lap fondling around with my penis and I ended up cumming on her hands. She said, and I can remember this clear as day, "oh.. that's not what I think it is, is it?" but really I don't think either of us knew what was going on. In my mind i was thinking "woah sweet I got a girl to make me do that think I usually do on the toilet," and for her that was probably the moment she realized that a wet dream was not the same as wetting the bed.

That was the first time I had my real go at a nipple. I remember once me and one of my good friends were in an awkward situation where we both wanted the same girl and we were at a party, one of his parents party's. Both of our parents were inside, as well as hers and a bunch of others, and we were outside with the other kids, but we had gotten into the back of one of the vans parked there. He, the girl, and I in the back of a van in the dark.. what to do? She was older than us, so we thought she was experienced but really she would have been intimidated I'm sure. Kind of like when you're in high school, the year above you seems soooooo old, and the highest grade students seem like old men, but then when you get there you realize you are still young, then when you leave school you realize that anyone in school is very young and you laugh about it with your friends. Anyway, so we were with what seemed like a cool, calm, collected GODESS in the back of a van at night, he was on the right side of her, and I was on the left. We were talking for a while until she started feeling my leg, and I was feeling her leg, then her ribs, then her boobs, which were pretty developed for her age (we were around 12 and she was about 14), and while I was running laps around her nipple through her shirt I bumped into my mates hand - as it turned out we had both done the same thing, and she had been feeling us both up! Now nothing happened past the feeling, but if that was a couple of years later that would have been the setting for a pretty nice night!

Back to my backyard. I got to play with my first naked breast of a girl my own age, and god was I bad at that. I didn't know what to do so I was just fiddling, like I was playing in sand or something! A couple months later when we had gone back too school and I was in year 8 there was a new girl in year 10 who a few people had a crush on, but no one as much as me. She took me under her wing as her little boy toy and lived up the road from me. So we used to get on the same bus and sit next to each other then she would walk home with me then we'd part way as she would keep going up the street. Then she started taking me back to her house and I used to be kind of jealous of her boyfriends. One time there was a white stain on her sheets and when she saw me notice it she said "oh don't worry, that's one of mine" with a wink. God if only I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now. How could I not see that as a sign to move in and do what ever I wanted with this absolute beauty of a girl. Instead I was thinking 'woah.. girls release fluids too.. learn something new every day.' After a lot of months of teasing she finally just made a move on me one day and started making out with me while I was at hers watching To Kill a Mockingbird, which she had to watch for yr10 English. I book and film I too had to study when I got to year 10, and I loved re-living the memories. She knew I was shy so she had to take lead, she pulled her top up and let me play with her nipples, she got me to suck them, then she unbuttoned her jeans and let me have a feel around under her underwear, I might as well have been feeling up the couch as I didn't get very far. I think there was too much going on at once for me so I just pulled back and we kept making out. That continued until her boyfriend found out.

That year I had sex for the first time. I wont go into the details as it's not as funny or embarrassing for me. As it turned out, because I had all this weird awkward 'experience' over the past year or so, as well as early encounters playing doctors and nurses (that can be another entry), I came across as someone who knew what they were doing. Because with her, I knew what to expect. I had gotten past kissing, blow job, booby fun, fondling, there was only one more area for me to go into, so I just acted like I had done it all 1,000 times before, even thought truly it was the first time everything went smoothly for me. Afterward she thought I was a seasoned pro and I think I led her to believe so too, when in reality the sex we had was like trying to put a pair of shoes on the wrong feet while wearing a pair of oven-mits - not coordinated in any sense of the word.